The disappearing exit ramp diet

SEATTLE, Washington - One of my consistent diet foes has been the SoDo Burger King. It's location is perfect for trapping me right after hitting golf balls at Jefferson. I get done hitting balls around 9-9:30pm, I probably ate dinner before 5pm so I'm feeling a bit hungry, and there's no BK in West Seattle so it has a bit of novelty about it. Just roll right off the ramp to 4th Ave S and right into the drive-thru - so easy, they'd have to remove the damn ramp to stop me.

And that's exactly what happened - the ramp is gone. Not barricaded, gone. Not easy to get in and out of there anymore with all the construction. Until BK brings back the Italian Chicken Sandwich it's not worth figuring out an alternate route.

Landscapers: may want to join the 21st century and make websites

SEATTLE, Washington - When I Google around West Seattle and environs for landscapers, it's sad how few have a website to check out. It's a pretty visual thing, landscaping, a few pics can help a guy to make decisions.

I guess any dude with a wheelbarrow, a shovel, and a cell phone pitches himself as a landscaping concern, no web site needed.

I don't want to be reduced to consulting the phone book on this matter.

Someone once pestered me about my electricity usage - I ate his liver with some fava beans

SEATTLE, Washington - I'm one of the lucky 20,000 Seattle City Light customers selected to receive condescending lectures about their electricity usage. I'm now burdened with bar graphs and smiley-face ratings concerning my electricity use relative to the use of my neighbors.



These are the people who sell me electricity. They should be lobbying me to use more, not less. They should be trying to sell me my own Large Hadron Collider, not telling me to use CFLs.

The folks who deliver these sorts of lectures don't seem to understand that we don't use electricity for the pleasure of seeing the big number on our bill, we use it because it makes our life better.



The implication of this image is that I'm spending too much on electricity, because look, some of my neighbors are using less. I look at this as me having a better life than my neighbors. How much better? At least $198 better, or else I wouldn't be spending it.

There's so much more to the story of comparing electricity usage than looking at these raw numbers - for instance, I work at home, so I have 2-3 computers and lights burning that many others won't have. Of course the busybodies have an answer for this; their literature implores me and the other victims of this "assistance" to contact them and tell them all about our life, so they can fine-tune their reports.

The real reason this program exists is that some people get a special thrill out of lecturing people, but the putative reason is concern about carbon emissions. (In fact if you go to the city climate web site they'll assign you a "carbon coach"). But if you look at the most recent (2006) figures, the power supplied by Seattle City Light is more than 89% hydro, and only about 2% comes from carbon-emitting sources. My breathing while walking back and forth to Bakery Nouveau probably emits more carbon than my electricity usage.

I'd really rather have a private electricity provider, motivated by good old fashioned "greed", than a public utility that uses me as a captive audience for their lecturing.

(Alleged) West Seattle pimps took notes from American Pimp

SEATTLE, Washington - From the 1999 Hughes Brothers documentary American Pimp, pimps in response to the question of what "cut" their prostitutes get:

Schauntte: "What cut they get? Oh no. They ain't get no cut."
Charm: "No percentage."
Bishop Don Magic Juan: "Zero Percentage."
Payroll: "Zero."
Kenny Red: "A bitch of mine better not keep a dime."
Fillmore Slim: "None. None."
Danny Brown: "If one of my women had proven to be stronger than me, a better manager than me, then she could have been the leader. But I was the master of the house, I was the leader of the program, so all the money came to me. It wasn't like I had part of the money, she had part of the money - that's like, a divided situation."

And now in an trial that opened yesterday of an alleged West Seattle pimp:

Clark is accused of pimping out three women, including two girls, through a prostitution ring run by a West Seattle gang, the West Side Street Mobb.

That, [Prosecutor Sean]O'Donnell told jurors, is Mobb with two Bs.

"Mobb is spelled M-O-B-B, and it stands for Money Over Broke Bitches," O'Donnell said. "And you will find that money is a recurring theme in this case. …

"You will find that this gang has an almost singular purpose. Money, money, money."

Now that's what I'm talkin 'bout... The Swinery

SEATTLE, Washington - The Swinery is in full effect. Maybe it's time to watch the carbs again, after probably averaging a pint of ice cream every other day for the last four months.

The chicken liver pâté - very smooth, a bit more sherry flavor than most. Still has a bit of a pink hue, so it's not overcooked (as people so often do with liver, pâté and otherwise).

Bacon burgers - ground beef with bits of cooked pancetta right in the mix. Allegedly a 75/25 mix, it looks less than that, but it's certainly enough to give the burger a bacony flavor. The grind is very coarse, barely burger-ish if you're used to wispy supermarket grinds. I like the change of pace and the mouth feel.

If you're panicky about the prices at a small shop like this - the ground products did seem a bit on the spendy side (in the $10/lb neighborhood) but are certainly distinctive products, and the whole cuts are not much pricier at all than other higher-end places (e.g. New York steaks at $18/lb). Creatures like quail and goat were in the case.

There's plenty of variety, cheeses, bulk and cured chorizo, assorted forcemeat products - something for everyone.

Seattle voter guidance for Aug 18

SEATTLE, Washington - Looking through the voters' pamphlet, many of the candidates sound alike and some positions simply have no one on the ballot deserving of support. To simplify, I identified trouble phrases in the statements of the candidates - stuff that tells you right away, no need to read the rest of the statement and no need to color in the dot next to their name.

"living wage"
"Web 2.0"
"affordable housing"
"we can design an innovative education system"
"lifelong musician"
"create good jobs"
"community activist"
"green jobs"
"stimulus funding"
"tax incentives"
"free college education"
"Nickels"
"stimulus dollar"
"job training"
"pursuit of true public benefits"
(and scariest of all):"new era of action"

Powerful drug offered at Cupcake Royale

SEATTLE, Washington - Cupcake Royale has placed a large, well-labeled shaker of nutmeg on their condiment bar. Do they not know that nutmeg is a powerful psychoactive drug? Maybe they do know and that's why it's there.

William S. Burroughs discussed nutmeg in a letter to The British Journal of Addiction in the 1950s, a letter that was reproduced in some editions of Naked Lunch:

Convicts and sailors sometimes have recourse to nutmeg. About a tablespoon is swallowed with water. Results are vaguely similar to marijuana with side effects of headache and nausea. Death would probably supervene before addiction if such addiction is possible. I have only taken nutmeg once.

There are a number of narcotics of the nutmeg family in use among the Indians of South America.

Wikipedia also has some information on the *power* of nutmeg:

Large doses can be dangerous (potentially inducing convulsions, palpitations, nausea, eventual dehydration, and generalized body pain). In large amounts it is reputed to be a strong deliriant. Users report both negative and positive experiences, involving strong open-eye-visuals (hallucinations), and in some cases quite severe anxiety. Users may feel a sensation of blood rush to the head, or a strong euphoria and dissociation.

This probably isn't much of an issue at the West Seattle location, because there aren't enough people around with either the knowledge or the desire to dip into the nutmeg. But, Cupcake Royale is opening a Capitol Hill location later this month, and I'm pretty sure the Capitol Hill hipster/indigent population will blast right through the nutmeg supply. May want to keep the nutmeg behind the counter there, just like how Twice Sold Tales in the U-District can't leave Kerouac books sitting around on the bookshelves where poor students will take them and shove them into their pants.

First test of Yellow Leaf Cupcake Co - FAIL

SEATTLE, Washington - When I noted the opening of the Yellow Leaf Cupcake Company in Belltown, I pointed out that they're offering 30+ flavors and it may be tough to master them all.

Here's their first Flavor Fail... the first exotic flavor that isn't quite right: Vanilla Cupcake with Vanilla Frosting. They put chocolate sprinkles on it.

I guess you can offer an unlimited number of flavors if you're going to simplify by putting chocolate sprinkles on everything.

A new cupcake player in Seattle - unless it's Sunday

SEATTLE, Washington - There's a new cupcake player in town - the Yellow Leaf Cupcake Company in Belltown.

I'd like to say I've been there, but they just opened on Friday and they're closed Sundays. The hours listed on their website are 7:30 to 5 Monday to Friday, and 9 to 5 Saturday. Geez... come on. This isn't as bad as the four-and-a-half-day schedule at Shoofly Pie, but it looks like I have to take a day off from work to try the cupcakes at this joint.

They list 30+ flavors on their website (plus seasonals!), serving nine varieties every day. That sounds to me like too many flavors to master, especially for a new joint, but they must know more about this than me; they're the ones opening a cupcake shop and I'm the one sitting around with my thumb up my ass, complaining about my humdrum life.

I live downtown now!?

SEATTLE, Washington - Downtown West Seattle? Oh really. I've talked at times about moving downtown, I guess the downtown has moved to me.

Getting a bit big for our britches here. Downtown Ravenna thinks this is presumptuous.

Remember, West Seattle - most of the rest of the city thinks West Seattle is somewhere in Kitsap County.

Hopefully not the first Seattle beer appearance in NYC

NEW YORK, New York - I smuggled some beers from Seattle's Baron Brewing to the East Coast to give away as gifts.

I better give them as gifts, because I suspect it'd be illegal to drink them in Mike Bloomberg's NYC - there's no calorie count on the label. Mayor Mike would probably make these beers illegal because there's no warning about the dangers of smoking on them.

Prost! West Seattle

SEATTLE, Washington - No need to go to shit neighborhoods like the Herpes Triangle to get some German bierhaus satisfaction. Seattle's teutonic overlords have opened Prost! on California Ave.

I wandered on in and got myself an Erdinger Dunkel Weisse and a bockwurst and it was just like I was transported to Germany. Or at least, transported to Phinney Ridge, where I wanted to buy a house a few years back but I couldn't afford any of them.

Got a basketball jones, Seattle?

SEATTLE, Washington - Mike Gastineau has started a new "Basketball Jones" segment on his show on 950 KJR that he begins by playing the eponymous Cheech & Chong song from the 1970s.

Having a basketball jones, Seattle? I know I'm not.

And here's the pioneering "Basketball Jones" cartoon, featuring way-way-way over the top racial stereotypes, a guy flying to the basket with no pants on, and brief appearances from the Beatles and Richard Nixon:

UPDATE: When watching it, a guy appears at the 2:03 mark and I said to myself, "hey that looks like Chris Schenkel", who was a broadcaster that I only remember from bowling broadcasts in the early 1990s. Turns out, it is him and the singer says his name but it is nearly indecipherable. I wonder if on some unconscious level I heard Schenkel's garbled name or if I really did just recognize him on looks.

Some notes on new Snoqualmie Casino

SEATTLE, Washington - I saw a few months ago when driving to golf at Mount Si that they were enhancing the little traffic intersection that leads to the casino. It's done - and it's a roundabout. A little traffic circle. Is this Washington in 2008 or New Jersey in 1935? I can't believe a new traffic circle has entered the world.

Only in the hills: I parked in the above-ground garage, drove up a few levels, parked, and took the elevator down. Mistake: The casino is on the top floor of the above-ground garage. The whole place seems to be a single big room with all the restaurants and shops on the perimeter i.e. there's no hallways or side areas.

I was there the day after Thanksgiving and it was not as busy as I was expecting. (The day after X-giving is a brutally busy day in Atlantic City casinos.) There were quite a few dead spread blackjack games and only two craps tables open.

I started with roulette. They made me buy nickels on a $10 game, which is odd. But good - I hit on the first two spins. On the third spin, the amateur dealer screwed up and actually hit me with the ball. Eventually we got the ball back on the wheel and I missed the third spin so I colored up with $400 profit and walked away before I got injured.

I wasn't hungry (day after X-giving) but for the sake of journalism I tried the (barely adequate for its price) $14.95 lunch buffet.

A spot finally opened on a craps table after lunch. I was looking for a weak craps dealer that I could confuse and manipulate but they all seemed competent enough for moderate action. I wanted to shoot but the shooter before me got hot and I decided to color out with $155 profit at craps without even touching the dice. There was a classic grumpy Don't bettor standing right next to the dealer (where they always stand) getting killed - the kind of bitterman who, in defiance of all mathematics, is betting the Don't Come and if a 6 or 8 rolls he tells the dealer to "just leave it."

The big new-casino goof of the night was this: When I cashed out my $855 in chips, the cashier paid me and said "congratulations". Wrong Wrong Wrong Wrong! I've gambled in the best casinos in this country and many of the dumps, and I've never been "congratulated" by the cashier. She has no way of knowing if I'm up $300 or down $5000 or whatever. That needs to stop. I didn't make a scene but sooner or later some crusty guy who's down a lot of money will blow up upon hearing that.

Overall the place seems fine - it's somewhat smaller than the Muckleshoot or Tulalip but I think its proximity to Mount Si golf will have me rolling the bones. Its poker room only has ten tables, you're better off at the Muckleshoot for poker.

P.S. their website (not linked here) is overwrought, you apparently scroll it by moving your mouse above or below the browser window and the music sounds like casino promotional tunes from fifteen years ago.

10 years ago this weekend - my first dose of Seattle misery

SEATTLE, Washington - In November 1998 I was living in Boise and decided to come to Seattle for the first time, to visit a friend in Redmond. I started the seven-hour drive early Thanksgiving morning, my first journey into the Pacific time zone.

Our first order of business was to find a place to eat Thanksgiving dinner. He was a vegetarian, not much more familiar with the area than I was, and the young internet of 1998 was not very helpful. We ended up at the Black Angus on 156th in Bellevue, where he ate a potato and I had a full meal. (Nowadays, I know that the way to find a bunch of open restaurants on Thanksgiving is to head to the International District).

The next day I started exploring Seattle. If you've been around you probably remember that day - a bus plunged off the Aurora Bridge after the driver was assaulted and shot. I drove across the bridge for the first time less than an hour before the incident.

My first-ever dinner in Seattle proper was at Cactus in Madison Park. I remember clawing around on the young internet for a vegetarian-friendly restaurant, and getting the primitive old 1998 internet maps to find the place.

Anyway, by early 2000 I decided Seattle would be a better place to live than Boise, and here I am.

Ribs from OK Corral West Seattle

SEATTLE, Washington - Alright I already snapped a picture of the catfish but all anyone cares about is the BBQ, so here are the ribs. I really ought to clean up the styrofoam a bit before snapping these.

The ribs have a very smoke-dominant flavor, so that has to be how you roll for you to like 'em. I roll like that, not all people roll like that. It's a decent amount of food for $13 - four big meaty ribs and the other stuff.

Otis seems to like the ribs - he was wolfing one down like it was the first rib he had tasted in his life, exclaiming "man, this is good!"

Again there's a big parking lot right behind this building - I can walk there but it might seem a daunting affair for many drivers without knowing there's parking.

OK Corral BBQ in West Seattle

SEATTLE, Washington - I stopped by the new OK Corral location on Fauntleroy about 2pm this afternoon, chatted up Otis a bit and got the fried catfish dinner. Good crispy catfish.

I think that I (like others) am a bit nervous about the prospects for Otis's success in this location (odd Fauntleroy spot, not West Seattle per se). There's a big parking lot in back.

Why is it that business always start somewhere else and then eventually come to West Seattle? First it was Ballard (Matator, Cupcake Royale) and Queen Anne (Uptown Espresso) and now even humble Greenwood is exporting their charms here. Has West Seattle ever started any citywide phenomenon? Burglaries and STDs don't count.

UPDATE: I also had the ribs.

OH NO - karaoke in West Seattle

SEATTLE, Washington - Talarico's is offering karaoke. I don't know how long this has been here, but I know how long I hope it lasts - not long. Maybe if we all just ignore the karaoke, the karaoke will go away.

Chinook's butchers their menu

SEATTLE, Washington - Chinook's has unceremoniously dumped the Oyster Stew from their menu. What reason exists to go there now, exactly? The view of the rusting sailboats?

They also ditched the Oyster Pot Pie.

I would have been the first to admit that the menu at Chinook's was a bit swollen, had a few items that had to go. But not the Oyster stew.

Guess I'll be learning how to cook oyster stew.

Misery as entertainment in Seattle sports

SEATTLE, Washington - I hate to take the detached, cynical view of sports in this city but I'm a detached, cynical person.

Sports is ultimately about entertainment and I am entertained. Entertained by the meltdown of the UW football program, the bloodthirsty calls for Willingham's head, the sniping in the media between Tim Lappano and Hugh Millen, etc.

Sports talk radio is much more entertaining when things are bad. The Sonics have left, I know many people are heartbroken about this, but the whole 2-year relocation drama made for entertaining, informative radio.