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Soundproof Suite livability index of all 50 states

NEW YORK, New York - Given that I now work remotely, and greedy, evil developers are casting a curious eye at my house in Seattle, it may be time to consider a move, either elsewhere in Washington or to one of the other 49 states.

Living in a state with no income tax saves me a pretty penny, as my state of employment for tax purposes is wherever I reside. So for now, let's eliminate the 41 states that have a state income tax. Some top-of-the-head pros and cons of the other 9 states:

Pros: I'm already there; there's a lot to like about Seattle; probably has my largest friend base; the weather is fairly acceptable, given some of the alternatives (I don't like air conditioning); good espresso.
Cons: It's a long flight to the East Coast, which I'm now doing about 10 times a year; becoming politically untenable, with mass-transit boondoggle lust and other issues; I'm a proven flop with Northwest women; the women are not so great here anyway; I want to golf more and the weather can be troublesome.

Nevada (let's just assume the Las Vegas area for now)
Pros: Sunny weather good for golfing; I could get back into poker and sports betting; much more house for the money than Seattle; the mayor is a former Mob attorney; lots of airline service.
Cons: Many report that, once you're there a while, the truth comes out - that it's a growing-too-fast, high-crime, cultureless shithole.

Pros: Low tax burden; the adventure of saying you're in Alaska.
Cons: Flight times even worse to the East Coast; high cost of many goods; high male-to-female ratio; don't know anyone there.

Pros: Big fish, small pond; classic huge old porn shop in Evanston near the Utah border, long before the chain porn supermarket trend.
Cons: Cold; rather poor air travel; isolated; do they even have broadband internet?; don't know anyone there; no jobs.

South Dakota
Pros: see Wyoming, except for the porn shop thing.
Cons: See Wyoming.

Pros: Pretty good golfing; good air travel from major cities; probably good food; good music but I don't care; reasonable cost of living in many places; decent job market in Dallas if I lose current job.
Cons: Bad weather for my tastes; probably some cultural disconnect; others have moved there and left, citing crappiness.

Pros: Reasonable air service and distance to East Coast; pretty good golfing; pretty good cost of living.
Cons: contemplating an income tax; Southerners; probably bad summer weather; don't know anyone there; poor job market.

Pros: excellent air service; good golfing.
Cons: Bad weather; huge bugs; every knuckle-dragging nincompoop that doesn't like cold weather moves there; high crime in most cities; poor job market if I lose current job.

New Hampshire
Pros: No sales tax, either; Driving distance to Boston, New York, and Atlantic City; presumably an ideological climate more to my liking; probably a bit more house for the money than Seattle; low crime and freeloader ratio.
Cons: Winter can't be pleasant, and summer is probably no picnic either; golf will suffer; air travel probably not great; high property taxes may offset other cost savings; would probably have to trade in Black Heat for a 4-wheel-drive vehicle; don't know anyone there; are there single women there?

UPDATE: The Wall Street Journal chimed in on income taxes and domestic migration.


The Unattractive Houseguest said...

Dude. Forget about Texas unless it's Austin. Tennessee also has huge bugs. And I'm a Southerner as you know and while mostly I agree with your logic, I still take umbrage. Alaska? Crazy. Just stay put.....

JMR said...

I think if I move I'm narrowed down to New Hampshire, Nevada, or NYC.

Anonymous said...

NYC!!! And get a futon for me and Tessa.....